Ok with being a poser

Have you ever tried over and over again to be something or do something that you just really are not? Running, for example. Ever told yourself that you were really going to do it this time? You will run that marathon? Or at least a 5K?

This past week, I came to terms that skiing is one of those somethings for me. I was able to go up to the beautiful Winter Park, CO with Campus Crusade for a Spring Break ski trip. All who asked me if I was excited knew that I went in hesitantly because the formation of "not being a skier" had begun 10 years previously. As I wrestled over why I thought I didn't like skiing, I discovered it might have been due to accidentally getting on a blue run as a beginner and taking an hour to make it down the mountain. As many things in life, one bad experience has a huge impact on future endeavors.

Many things have changed in 10 years, though, so I thought I'd give it another try. I signed up and successfully made it through ski school. I was getting the hang of turns, wedges and even getting the courage to go a little faster every now and then.

Without warning, though, the tears started flowing. My toes were in more pain than I'd ever experienced, and I really wanted to tear my ski boots off with all speed and strength I had. It was at this point that I decided, I just don't like this. It isn't worth it to me.

Now in normal, everyday life, you would think this would be a pretty easy statement to make and then move on in your thoughts. While on a ski trip, though, it is initially frustrating and embarrassing to have tell people you just don't like skiing.

This is where we get a little more personal. The Lord really used this situation to open my eyes once again to how I seek approval from others and then help me be ok with who I am. When lies of "they think you are a weenie" started to flood, I really had to go back to the truth of the Lord to be able to hear the ridiculousness of that statement. No one really cares if I like to ski or not.

Why is it that we so often care so much about how others perceive us? I think about how it feels nice to have the instant overt approval of people, but how quickly it fades away and how we seek it again. Why is it that we (or at least I) still go to the fading approval, though, and can't truly rely on the unconditional, never-ending, doesn't care at all whether we can ski or not, love of the Lord?

I'm not going to try and give any insight, as there are so many more qualified people to answer that question. I'll leave you with this, though. After two days of not skiing, the Lord thankfully showed me the many things that I could do and love while still on a ski trip. He made me ok with the fact that I'm not a skier and helped me actually embrace it. He made me ok with being a ski poser.