Who really wants to be a grown up anyway?

I'm in a hopefully short phase of life, where you can't really put a label on my job. I'm not on STINT anymore. I'm not technically on staff with Campus Crusade yet. I am unsure of where I will be placed when I am on staff. I am even unsure of when I will start at this new place. I have some points of reference through conferences and deadlines that keep me somewhat sane, but let's just go ahead and say that the answers to most things in my life right now can from the surface be labeled "Unknown."

I've realized that it is easy to live like this when you stay at home most days and only spend time with your brother or go to other cities to visit friends you know well. The overwhelming reality of how much you don't really know about your own life comes in when you step back into the real world and the questions flood in. The realization that for this time in my life I'm going to have to be very intentional if I want to have friendships at all. Without a team for a couple of months, I might feel a little lost. There are a lot of different "things," for lack of a better word, before me. I am blessed to live in a city where there are a lot of students. I am blessed to be in a city with a wonderful ministry that reaches these students for the Lord. How do I fit in when I am not a student and not technically a part of this ministry team? I don't feel like I am old enough to be a grown up. Why then, do I feel like now I am having to be a grown up and come to understand that if I want relationships in my life of transition I have to take steps. Steps that seem scary when having to be taken alone. These emotions have come with every new move I have had. Only this time, I'm not in elementary school. My parents have not put me in dance classes. I'm not given a team. Is it rude to want to always invite yourself to things so that you have something to do? How do I learn, again, to completely trust in the Lord in such a weird time?

This is not at all the entry I set out to write. It was going to be a really funny entry about something that happened to me today. I'll save that for later, but I really wanted to share this. These feelings are ones that I believe have been building over time, but I'm just now being able to put into words. I hope they are helpful for anyone else going through transition, to know that what they are feeling is normal, and the best thing about the word transition is that no matter how long it ends up taking it is "passage from one state or stage to another." There will be "another" somewhere down the road. Life will be full of many transitions and "anothers."

Lord, be my rock and my strength always, and especially during this time.