grateful thankful blessed

grateful: (adj) feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful

thankful: (adj) expressing gratitude and relief

blessed: (adj) bringing pleasure or relief as a welcome contrast to what one has previously experienced...endowed with divine favor and protection.

Thankful.  Gratitude.  Relief.  Welcome Contrast.  Protection.  

It's been 5 1/2 weeks since my surgery which feels like has gone insanely fast.  I know I was writing updates on my CaringBridge site throughout the first couple of weeks, and I'm sure they sound somewhat coherent, but honestly I don't really remember them.  So to now be almost 6 weeks on the other side already is crazy to me!  I feel physically great and emotionally well too.  Of course, there are moments of "Lord, why did this happen?  Why don't I get to have kids?" but for the most part I just feel free.  Free to breathe and move on.

Thankful.  Gratitude.

When I had cancer one of the things I kept desiring was a boring week.  I wanted a week where someone asked "How was your week?" and my response could just be, "It was fine."  Not a bad week, not the best week in my whole life, but just a week that didn't have a ton of emotions tied to it that at the end I could contently go to sleep Friday night without worry of some new medical issue or weight of some test or procedure coming up.  I feel like for me the past couple of weeks have been just that.    

Relief.  Welcome Contrast!

As I continue to emotionally and physically heal, my sweet, strong, diligent husband has continued to need to study for the Professional Engineering (P.E.) Exam.  Think the Bar Exam Lawyers take.  Or the MCAT the want to be doctors take.  This is the super important civil engineering one.  The one he's been studying for daily since the beginning of August.  The one that as I got to breathe after I was told I didn't have cancer has continued to be in front of my husband not allowing him to fully let down his guard until it's over October 27th.  The one that he had planned to study forever for this weekend while I was out of town.  

Then his car broke.  The engine cracked.  That's a really, really bad thing.  As in the car can't drive at all.  It costs a ton of money to fix.  The car is already 11 years old.  Husband has a lot of his plate, and here is another thing.  It threw a curve ball in the studying schedule for that really important test.  And we get to make "remember you are an adult" decisions about what to do.  I'll let you know once we decide.  You know what, though?  These issues really will be OK.   

A broken car is another reason we are ready to say "Adios" to 2017, but I think of this particular situation and see Jesus.  Jason might tell you another story as he actually lived this bummer of a circumstance, but I see so much provision.  Jason thankfully figured out this issue on a road that was not a major highway allowing him to immediately come home. No one was hurt.  My parents, being so kind, are letting us borrow a car as we make decisions.  We have time to get informed and then act.  We get yet another learning experience to trust Jesus for wisdom and see Him at work. 

Protection.

Life didn't get the memo we really wanted a break.  But that's what happens.  So despite how cheesy the phrase might sound, and regardless of these curve balls, for me getting to keep going without cancer still leaves me feeling "grateful, thankful, blessed."